I do enjoy the Onion. So many great satirical pieces, that sometimes catch people because they’re just close enough to being real.
This one caught my attention today: New Report Shows Many U.S. Businesses Actually Just Fronts For Moneymaking Operations
When reading it, I was immediately struck by how similar this satire is to the actual ways federal attorneys and the DEA always characterize medical marijuana dispensaries that they’ve raided.
…
And as a bonus, check out this hilarious video from the Onion:
Bloomberg Defends NYPD’s Controversial Stop And Kiss Program
WOW. Love The Onion. If you love satire….don’t read this: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/12/03/4666927/the-risks-of-marijuana-are-many.html
Kap’n, you’re right. The doors have been flung open and the Loons have left the asylum.
This may be Satire, the comments suggest it is, yet it is in the OPINION pages of the Kansas City Star.
when i checked comments had been disabled….no surprises there…
Kansas. The dry state. “Like deadly asbestos fibers, the long-term adverse medical consequences may take decades to appear.†— Ravikumar Chockalingam of St. Louis is a psychiatry resident at Barnes Jewish Hospital — Washington University School of Medicine.
Asbestos fibers are the exact diameter of the interior dimensions of a chemical tube transport system within human cells. The fiber’s diameter allows the fibers to clog the tubes and lead to a quickly developing cancer called mesothelioma. Actor Steve McQueen is believed to have contracted the disease swapping out the asbestos break-pads on his motorcycles. There is no analogy here. Asbestos and THC are completely different substances.
If Kansas has any college medical school standards, poor Chockalingum will not survive his residency.
Correction, Mr. Chockalingum’s residency is in St. Louis, Missouri. Kansas still needs to clean up its act.
My father was a mechanic by trade, he worked in a Chevy dealership’s garage breathing brake dust for most of my childhood and all of my teen years plus a few years after I married, then he got a job for a large Cleaning and Supply company which cleaned uniforms and other necessary items, etc. for most of the businesses (including the one he left) which required uniforms, over a large are of Western WA, as the maintenance supervisor in the maintenance garage where the company’s trucks were kept in good running condition. My dad died in 2003 from mesothelioma, at the age of 82.
Wish he would have stayed with cabinet making after getting back from the war, he made beautiful cabinetry and that talent was wasted as a mechanic.
Doing boiler and refrigeration maintenance I was exposed to a lot of different asbestos applications. Most flange and valve gaskets and firebox brick and insulation. Blown in fibers were in the air. Mask may have helped. Homes used sheets of it behind fireplaces. Covered by drywall. If Cheney was in charge you know it was not regulated or recorded. All of these known deadly substances were not controlled but they have giant conniptions over a benign plant? They sell us crap that makes us sick and the same subsidiaries sell us chemicals to treat it. Getcha Cominandagoin… At least I was smoking pot everyday. Millions of others just hit the clock and drank some beers. No protection. So far I’m healthy, clean lungs and body.
Halliburton Pays Dearly but Finally Escapes Cheney’s Asbestos Mess
let’s talk about Halliburton’s well-executed $5 billion escape from its asbestos problems, most of which Cheney created when he orchestrated Halliburton’s purchase of Dresser Industries in 1998. Few people connect this problem with Cheney, but they should, given that he was in charge at the time and got a raise as a result of buying Dresser.
Busht Cheneynagans D.E.A.th & Oil!
Asbestos: Think Again: Industry hid dangers for decades
Nothing proves the culpability of the asbestos manufacturers in the death and injury of asbestos workers quite like internal documents from the companies themselves.
It took more than just Johns Manville and W.R. Grace lying to their workers to produce the ten thousand Americans currently dying each year of asbestos diseases. It took similar behavior at Exxon, Dow (Union Carbide), DuPont, Bendix (now Honeywell), The Travelers, Metropolitan Life, Dresser Industries (now Halliburton), National Gypsum, Owens-Corning, General Electric, Ford, and General Motors, just to name a few.
If he can’t discriminate between known toxins and cannabis, then he’s no one I’d come to for medical assistance. Especially if he practices willful ignorance and refuses to do any studying on the issue. He reminds me of the sort of surgeon who wouldn’t wash his hands even after germ theory was validated; you have to wonder how many lives their blind pride cost…
Anyway, he’s damned himself for an ignorant fool with his own words, and will probably live to regret it, as more and more medicinal uses are found for cannabis. He’s nobody I’d want working on me, that’s for sure…
Steve likely got the majority of his Asbestos exposure from the Asbestos suits and baclavas the race drivers of his era were required to wear. A lot of racers died from their fireproof underwear.
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In 1881 Kansas became the first State to implement State level laws criminalizing drinking alcohol which didn’t repeal until after the ratification of the 21st Amendment. That happened in 1881.
And it gets weirder and weirder from now on.
I fully expect that we’ll see the kind of wide-eyed, foaming Billy Sunday-style antics on the part of our opponents any day, now. That was just the printed form.
Oh, yes, it’s going to be a lot of fun watching the prohibs either deflate like a whoopee-cushion, or explosively burn out. My money’s on the fireworks.
Ravikumar Chockalingam of St. Louis is a psychiatry resident at Barnes Jewish Hospital — Washington University School of Medicine. Dragan Svrakic of St. Louis is an associate professor of psychiatry at the Washington University School of Medicine and St. Louis Veterans Affairs Medical Center.
Wow! Just WOW!
What a couple of complete idiots! They definitely need their punch spiked and brownies laced.
Of course, they’d have to then pretend that they are dying, so it would prove their case.
OT but something of which we tokers should all be aware:
http://goo.gl/wKVNE3
FTA:
On the pesticide issue, Raber said it’s important to remember that smoking a marijuana bud that’s been sprayed with chemicals is far different than eating a non-organic tomato. First and foremost, he said, there are no controls over what’s sprayed on marijuana crops. And, while most people would rinse off a tomato before eating it, they can’t wash a bud before putting it in their pipe. The body also has filters in place for things that are ingested, he said, but not for what’s inhaled.
â€You don’t have the first pass metabolism of the liver,†he said. “You don’t have the lack of absorptivity going through the stomach or the gut lining. It’s a very different equation when you’re inhaling.†Raber said about 10 percent of the marijuana that comes through his laboratory for testing registers positive for pesticides. Those samples are only from medical marijuana dispensaries and patients who have sought out testing, he said. In a small random study his laboratory performed, Raber said more than 35 percent of marijuana failed pesticide tests.
â€I think all that says is we really, really need some serious regulations within California to help us clean up our supply, especially in the medical patient context,†Raber said. “These are people that are immunocompromised, they’re undergoing chemotherapy, they’re very sick with antibacterial loads. We can’t be subjecting them to more of these types of potentially harmful contaminants when they’re looking to this as a medicine source.â€
“”First and foremost, he said, there are no controls over what’s sprayed on marijuana crops.””
Wrong,,actually because I don’t know what someone else sprayed on their crops is why me and a bunch of others grow their own.
I will say this,,cartel growers have been spraying crops for decades and although I am sure they didn’t help our health it hasn’t devastated it either,,I have heard very little about people getting sick from tons of brick.
Another “show me the bodies” case?
Santa Cruz Legalizes Cannabis if its Organic! – 03/30/00
EU Sceintist Legalize Paraquat!
☛ Causes, incidence, and risk factors
Paraquat is a weed killer once promoted by the United States for use in Mexico to destroy marijuana plants. Research found that this herbicide was dangerous both to workers who applied it to the plants and to people who smoked the marijuana harvested from them.
Paraquat is now banned in the United States, although it is still legal for some uses in Mexico. As most marijuana smoked in the U.S. is now domestically grown, the risk of paraquat lung to American marijuana smokers is minimal.
Paraquat may cause lung damage by inhalation, it may cause esophageal erosions or ulcers from ingestion and absorption through the gut, or it can cause skin breakdown through contact with intact skin.
Severe ingestion of Paraquat can rapidly cause death from respiratory failure due to a form of proliferative alveolitis, or inflammation of the air spaces in the lungs. This impairs oxygen transport to the blood and may lead to acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS).
Pro Life? Not even anti abortionists…
☛Wall Street’s Spontaneous Abortionists
☛GOPerversion, another Prohibition! On Women…
☛GOP’s “A War on Women”
☛Scotts Miracle-Gro Will Pay $12.5 Million for Violations
☛ Tobacco Cigarettes and alcohol use by pregnant women has adverse effects on the fetus. Tobacco use causes an increase in SIDS and miscarriages. It is estimated that 3700 children die by the age of one month because of complications from the mother’s smoking during pregnancy.
☛ A Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) survey of 1313 pregnant women found that 3.5 percent admitted to having seven or more drinks a week or bingeing on five or more drinks at one setting within the previous month. Fetal alcohol syndrome is a leading cause of mental retardation.
☛ Pesticide Exposure in Farm Families Linked to Spontaneous Abortion
The timing and types of pesticide exposures are critical determinants of reproductive outcomes, according to a recently published study by Canadian researchers. The study examined pesticide exposures based on recall by farm families and reported histories of spontaneous abortions among women living on the farms. The study found strong evidence that a woman’s exposure to pesticides in the three months prior to conception or in the month of conception significantly increased her risk of spontaneous abortion.
☛ COMMON ARSENICAL PESTICIDE UNDER SCRUTINY
According to the U.S. EPA, MSMA “can reasonably be anticipated to cause cancer in humans” and is converted in the environment to inorganic arsenic, a known human carcinogen. About 4 million pounds of MSMA is applied every year to golf courses and cotton fields in the United States to control weeds. The pesticide has been banned in India and Indonesia.
Windy…the first sign that maybe you might ignore this is that the guy who did this “research” runs a lab that specializes in testing cannabis. Second, there are over 1600 pesticides approved for use in organic production. Organic does not and never has meant “pesticide free”. It means only organic products were used.
The third is his very non-specific use of language (remember, anything that kills bugs is a “pesticide”. ) The most common pesticides used by growers are Neem, rosemary oil and clove oil, and while they are technically “insecticides” they are not toxic to humans. Notice he doesn’t tell what he found. My guess is that he found Neem almost exclusively, since most large growers I know spray it every ten days as a preventive for spider mites, which can be very persistent once they establish themselves. Neem is basically a food ingredient, you could pray yourself every day, and all you’d get is soft healthy skin.
Third, he’s not telling how much of and in what forms these are transferred to smoke (remember, it’s being subjected to rapid oxidation by combustion).
But I believe it is safe to say, he stands to make a lot of money if the people start demanding testing of cannabis, and the State of California mandates it. He’s just creating demand for his service.
There is one worry I have and it is the molds found,,was the weed inddoors or outdoor grown and do the molds show up on both?
I know humidity control has a lot to do with mold control so does the molds grow on outdoor grows in the humid regions and not in the dry zones..
“Ravikumar Chockalingam of St. Louis is a psychiatry resident at Barnes Jewish Hospital”
Almost sounds like satirical humor from a shrink but
no I think he’s serious.
Wonder what his dorm mates think of him.
Must be lots of psychiatrists that would enjoy cannabis.
TransformDrugPolicy â€@TransformDrugs
Video: Kevin Sabet, at the Cannabis & Health Symposium in NZ, endorses our Blueprint for Regulation (@ 2:20) http://bit.ly/18lpSIL
The ultimate guide to Cannabis regulation options dwr
I felt like punishing my ears today for some reason…
Kevin, not attacking you, but you seem to be putting on some weight. You might have a food addiction problem that should get looked at before your public health problem emerges… But that’s YOUR BUSINESS…
Blah blah blah. Jeez. So many times he uses “context” after making an obscene statement, to clarify his statistic.
He claims that parents of today need to be educated, but what he doesn’t realize, is that WE ARE. The parents of today weren’t smoking in college dorms in the 70’s, they were smoking in college dorms in the 90’s and 00’s. Who needs to be educated again?
Kevin always likes to pander to fear in his diatribes against marijuana. The fear center in his brain must be the size of a grapefruit. In some ways he comes across as a hypochondriac.
Good little analysis of drug courts here:
You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man – a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. You’ve just crossed over into an area which we call the Drug War Zone.
OT
Caught an interesting report on the Diane Rehm show this am.
The ACLU is suing the Catholic bishops in Michigan because of their directive to Catholic hospitals not to inform patients of the abortion option, even when the mother’s health is threatened by the pregnancy. The ACLU’s point is that non-medical professionals should not be making medical decisions about treatment. Now, where have I heard that before?
Looks like someone sent a drug worrier down to the basement again to dredge this one back out. I honestly can’t tell if it is satire or not:
Moobies from Doobies
According to Dr.Lo just smoke, wait an hour and check for your very own moobies. He states in the article “After just one joint, patients have reported feeling swelling and puffiness around the nipple”
LOLOLOL! Oh, jeez, I did say they would exhume that old corpse and try to make it walk, again.
They are soooooo predictable. They have only stale old lies to tell anymore, and we’ve heard them all. They’re like 5 year old kids trying to con adults.
At least they could try to make their lies entertaining…
Wait until someone starts selling weed on TV as an aphrodisiac,,which i believe there is historical evidence of already happening,,probably in the market places in Asia and China,,talk about trotting the crazy uncles out,,,,,
can we say Risperdal? Risperdal lawsuit
I say, bring ’em on! They’d sure make showering alone more interesting…
He starts to get it right, but then he gets it so very, very wrong… Oh, Florida? Now I understand…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brian-min-/war-on-drugs-_b_4381203.html?utm_hp_ref=marijuana
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then Success is sure.” Mark Twain
He is a junior in a preparatory school. You know, those schools needed by those who failed high school? The level of sophistication is understandable in that light. This reads like a high school essay assignment.
This one is not from the Onion. I only mention that because it’s a perfectly reasonable conclusion at first glance.
Notice that he avoids any mention of the fact that the greatest increase in incarcerations for drug possession happened on his watch. Many of those railroaded under Clinton’s unholy alliance with Newt Gingrich are still in prison.
I always figured Bubba preferred edibles!
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That’s been proven to my satisfaction DewBee. Someone who was privy to the habits of cannabis consuming students at Oxford verified that was the preferred method of ingestion when he was there. I can’t be the only person in the world who has thought up something that appeared to be sheer genius when it was still inside my head but exposed as utter idiocy the moment that it rolled out of my mouth. Exposed as idiocy even before anyone had the chance to even say, “that’s just plain stupid.” I can put myself into Stoned Willie’s head, thinking that if it ever comes up that he still can deny ever smoking pot.
But I think everyone can agree that Mr. Clinton is very accomplished and talented in the art of political spin. One flub-a-dub doesn’t make that assertion untrue. Particularly since that with the benefit of hindsight we can plainly see that it belongs in the “no harm, no foul” category.
I think it’s significant and reasonable to believe that a man who is an elite level spin doctor has his finger on the pulse of the vox populi. In 1992 Mr. Clinton didn’t want people to know that he had ever chosen to enjoy cannabis. In 2013 he doesn’t care if people do know that. Sure it can be argued that he isn’t taking any political risk today. I reject that thinking because a master of political spin at such an elite level would be just expressing his nature. If that analysis is as accurate as I believe we’ve just gotten another piece of evidence supporting the assertions that popular opinion has turned our way.
With sativex as proof. I’ve always said it didn’t matter if Bubba inhaled, he got high sublingually, under the tongue. My theory is Bubba was handed the Governor job by GHQBush, with Asa Huchinbson as DA for western Arkansas. Letting Bobby Sands drop of tons of cocaine to make into crack for the inner city kids. To fund Iran Contra. Bubba the southern democrat and we know they were dixiekrats turning to Nixon after Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act. How Bush and Bubba Cliinton got tight was when he was in Berserkly with sir Hilary as a defense lawyer taking Black Panther, SDS and Weathermen cases.
I’ve heard many of the members of underground groups were in fact FBI informants. So who would have better intel on these groups than a defense attorney defending their cases? Then if pillow talk or whatever she gave that info to Bubba and he in turn gave it to Bush and the CIA. How else could a Bubba from Arkansas with no particular scholarship get a ticket to Oxford? Same thing as president when Perrot was threatening to take it away from the two fascist parties. All of a sudden he quit. Then Bush handed it to his number one son from a different mother. The rest is history. Like mentioned he busted more than Nixon, Reagan and Bush combined.
He tried taking Thalidomide off the hazards lists for an appetite stimulant when wasting patients found Ganja to help them. NAFTA/GATT, bastardizing the Higher Education Act banning the poor from college tuition assistance and then Peace while he was giving Monica lessons in internships. Then again Asa Hutchinson leads the charge to impeach and then Bubba bombs Kosovo to divert attention. Gore is no schoolboy either. Bombing Colombia while he coincidentally has oil below the indians burial grounds. So much can by hypothesized and yet, as with the drug war or 911 it is shut up or some cockamamy story takes its place. When they discover a medical use there are always sabetage leeches spinning their own stories condemning it. Sabet worked for Bubba too. Probably tastes the drug czar position and can’t get enough of the press printing his name. Oh well, just another conspiracy story… Oh btw, Bush and his CIA killed Kennedy.
Clinton Quiet About Own Radical Ties
Clinton Asks Supreme Court To Overturn MMJ Ruling
Thalidomide v Cannabis
THE THALIDOMIDE TRAGEDY
Asa Isa Assa
From Jack Cole at LEAP:
And it’s really fun to watch the trolls in the comments. When cornered, they invariably make the same mistakes. Like scorpions when trapped, they wind up rhetorically slaying themselves by revealing their prejudices are all that fuel their opposition…and then it’s all over for them, as people get to see their Authoritarian Inner Child (in kiddie-sized jackboots, no less; how cute!) and realize the sentiments the prohibitches express are very, very sincere – not to mention very, very crazy.
To paraphrase that old butcher Lenin, the prohibs will hand us the rope to hang them with, every time they reveal their true colors. All they have to do is open their mouths and/or type on keyboards. And then, as the old saying goes, “The truth will out”. The truth of their prejudices – and manias – being the core of their beliefs regarding illegal drugs becomes very clear.
(It’s also why the General Staff of the DrugWar leave the trench-fighting to protect their little con-game called prohibition to the shallowest end of the cognition pool. They can’t afford to get sliced-and-diced by a reformer publicly, and lose the kind of ‘face’ that leaves blood in the water for their own equally-cynical bureaucratic enemies to home in on…and leave the public to wonder why a rational defense cannot be made for a policy that has destroyed literally millions of lives and has swallowed a huge amount of their taxes for decades. Since it’s the up-and-coming generation that has to foot the bill, now, they’re not going to want to continue paying for something that has needlessly, stupidly hurt or killed their family members or their friends…or themselves. And they know who lied to them when they were young. Payback time is slow in coming, but when it arrives, I wouldn’t want to be a prohibitch.)
It’s also why the General Staff of the DrugWar leave the trench-fighting to protect their little con-game called prohibition to the shallowest end of the cognition pool. They can’t afford to get sliced-and-diced by a reformer publicly, and lose the kind of ‘face’ that leaves blood in the water for their own equally-cynical bureaucratic enemies to home in on…
and thus an intrawweb full of Linda Taylor clones. her Modesto bee vid is historic and perhaps the iconic display of prohib frothing.
and leave the public to wonder why a rational defense cannot be made for a policy that has destroyed literally millions of lives and has swallowed a huge amount of their taxes for decades.
My favorite part Kap. And that is exactly why in 5 years Mr Obama has said squat about the WOD and pot. At least twice during the whole DC budget theatrics (if the thought weren’t so repulsive I’d say f*** a bunch of repugnicans) the Prez said “I’ll discuss anything.”
Well kiss my honkie tush but that’s a flat out lie. Right now everyone in the prohib hierarchy is busy sticking fingers in a severely leaking dike. We have no shortage of qualified and highly placed advocates for ending drugs prohibition. But there is NO real public discussion coming from those in charge of our drug policy.
But I’m pretty damn sure they hear the peasants pounding on the gates and walls with their hammers and sledges.
The perps have been identified. The lights are coming on. The doorways are blocked and the only places to scurry are the corners. When we can finally put our mallets down we need to put on our kickers and start crunchin’ cucarachas. That’ll be my happy dance.
My ‘happy dance’ will never be engaged in, because to do so would require more than a perp walk on the prohib’s part.
Nope, my festivities would begin with a dance around a maypole like my Celtic ancestors used to…one adorned with the heads of certain prohibitches. Followed by a ‘bonfire’, in the old tradition: cremating a headless enemy’s body.
I mean it. They’ve done more damage to this country than any foreign enemy ever could. Their corrosive, corrupting effect upon our freedoms and liberties is evident to anyone my age or older.
Kids nowadays have no idea what it was like to not have to worry about ‘roid-raging, trigger-happy cynophobic cops crashing through their doors, wasting poor, frightened, fleeing Fido in front of horrified kids (and sometimes killing the kids, too).
They never knew what it was like to not have to surrender your urine to secure employment.
They never knew what it was like to get factual information – and only factual information – in the way of ‘drug education’.
And they especially don’t know what it was like NOT to have police tell them in school to nark on their parents, a la the effin’ Nazis, Fascists and most especially the Commies. I could give endless examples, but you get the hint.
They have done to us what no foreign foe(s) ever could. Quite an accomplishment for those who wrap themselves in the Flag while, at the same time, they wipe their bums with the very same Constitution and Bill of Rights that they swore to protect.
And all, and I mean all of the anti-Constitutional ‘anti-terrorism’ laws (that are proving to be just as prone to abuse as any law without sufficient checks on power will be) had their foundations in the so-called (but very real) ‘drug exceptions’ to the Bill of Rights. The snake has many heads, but those heads issue from a single body, and that’s drug prohibition.
So, no, I won’t be dancing.
Not until I can do it properly.
Kap I’ll be happy if I can still dance come that day…
Hey, everybody stay warm. Nasty weather passing thru.
Oh… in Allan’s good news category, my Soc Sec checked showed up on time! Talk about stress relief, lordy.
I genuinely miss the commies. They made really, really good scapegoats.
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“Let the noble man
Be generous and good,
Tirelessly achieving
What is just and useful:
Let him be a model
For those beings whom he surmises.”
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Das Göttliche (The Divine) (1783)
“After initially declining an interview request, Reiber spoke with Seven Days and explained his reasons for speaking out.”
Is there anyone listening?
Yeah, it’s a great piece of satire, but it occurs to me that you could (non-satirically) say something similar about the drug war, i.e. “Though appearing from the exterior to be legitimate operations designed to promote public health and safety, thousands of law enforcement operations across the nation are actually covering for organized rings of moneymakers in industries, such as the pharmaceutical, alcohol, and private prison industries, whose whole purpose is to earn profits at the expense of, not only public health and safety, but also fundamental human rights.”
I love this couch…
me too
oooh… somebody dropped a phatty twixt the cushions.
flick… flick…
fffffffffffft! fffffffffffffffffffft!!
‘ere, mmm tasty. Bet we could virtually keep this burning for weeks.
If not I got another rolled and ready for the fire.
“On 5 October 2011 he was watching the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral western when his front window was smashed in with a sledgehammer, the court heard.”
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-25219767
i wonder how many vinyard owners have people tryiing to steal their grapes?
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It’s obviously a very frequent problem. The grapes for wine growers don’t even bother surreptitiously planting grapes in our National forests anymore!
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