Progress report

Imagine having an employee who was completely incompetent. Everything this person did on the job was a disaster. He failed to do the proper research or listen to his co-workers who had. He pushed through his own agenda despite all market research clearly saying it wouldn’t work. And he put a huge chunk of the company’s funds into this boondoggle, which promptly tanked.
Now imagine that they he was required to write a self-evaluation to justify his continued paycheck. The employee, realizing his own incompetence, still hopes to delude his bosses.
What he wrote would look something like this:
United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime World Drug Report:

This year’s edition reports signs of long-term containment of the world problem. The overall trend masks however contrasted regional situations, which the report examines in detail. For instance, while an impressive multi-year reduction in opium poppy cultivation continued in South East Asia, Afghanistan recorded a large increase in 2006. Growing interceptions of cocaine and heroin shipments across the world have played an important part in stabilizing the market. However, as we witness successes in some areas, challenges appear in others. Although drug abuse levels are stabilizing globally, countries along major and new trafficking routes, such as those now going through Africa, may face increasing levels of drug consumption.