And if the duck floats, she’s a witch.

Every now and then, one of these quacks surfaces — usually in England, for some reason — at an inquest.
You see, 23-year-old Paul Dumville, after suffering from severe headaches for over a month, collapsed and died.
Well, the mallard utterance in question, Dr. Colin Hunter-Craig, has it all figured out, and explained it to Paul’s father and girlfriend:

“He was a fit and healthy 23-year-old with no hardening of the arteries of the brain.
“In the back of the brain he had a haemorrhage which caused swelling of the brain, but there was no sign of any defects there.
“The cause of death was a haemorrhage due to cannabis abuse.
“We don’t understand why it causes this, it just does. It takes about a month for THC (the psychoactive ingredient of cannabis) to build up in that part of the body.
“This is incredibly rare in young people, but in old people we would recognise this as a stroke.
“The fact that people say they only take cannabis every so often does not mean it should be recommended.”
West Sussex coroner Dr David Skipp asked Dr Hunter-Craig to explain why the build up would effect Mr Dumville but not other users.
“There is a lot we don’t know about this,” he said.
“It is rather like running across a deserted country road with your eyes shut. Most of the time you get away with it but I still wouldn’t recommend it.”
The coroner said: “This may not have been a natural cause but I’m not prepared to say that it was definitely due to cannabis.
“I’m going to record a narrative verdict, and the fact is that Paul Dumville died of a cerebral haemorrhage augmented by the use of cannabis.”

Dr. Hunter-Craig then returned to his practice of applying leeches to remove the demons that cause lung cancer.